Q: As a manager, when I provide constructive feedback, I sometimes get the impression that it hurts my direct reports’ feelings. Any suggestions for how to overcome this challenge?

A: The Navigator is always encouraged to hear of a manager who is sensitive to their employee’s feelings. (There is hope, yet, for humanity in these dark times!) As a manager with a heart, you struggle with reconciling opposites; the needs of the organization with its quarter close and KPIs, and the needs of a direct report who desires to be recognized for their contributions while maintaining a decent quality of life. The biggest kindness you can extend to your direct report is to be candid about their performance so they can be effective. There is an abundance of published content available to you that can help you improve how you deliver constructive feedback, the core concept of it being:   Feedback should be based on performance that has been observed, has an impact on the organization, and suggestions for the future. If your feedback adheres to these parameters and your team member still has hurt feelings, consider this: In the distant future when your direct report thinks back on the days when you were their manager, it is unlikely they will remember your restrained words that spared their feelings. However, if you helped them to recognize hidden strengths and blind spots for improvement, they will always remember you as a key contributor to their success.

Q: My manager’s feedback is always positive, but very superficial.  I think she’s insincere. I’m concerned that I’m not getting the constructive feedback I need to advance my skills and career.  Is it wise to ask my peers or other supervisors for feedback?

A: The short answer is: asking feedback from peers and other supervisors is appropriate, as long as you do not disparage your own manager’s lack of feedback skills by doing so.
The longer answer is more nuanced: Because managers have power over us in such areas performance reviews, compensation, promotions, and reputation, it is in your best interest to obtain useful feedback from them directly. It is a sad reality of our times that many managers are uncomfortable providing feedback because they are afraid of unanticipated reactions. Your manager needs your help. Encourage ongoing feedback throughout the year, especially after you did something. Did you just present a plan to senior management? Ask your boss: “Do you feel I persuaded the group? What specifically about my presentation makes you feel this way?”. Did you just launch the first phase of your project plan? Ask: “What are your impressions so far? What measurable result would you like to see before we go to the next phase?”. Have you just provided some just-in-time triage in an emergency? Tell your boss about the steps that you took and ask her how she viewed your contribution. Make it easier for your boss to provide constructive feedback. Don’t be defensive which is the root cause of a manager’s reliance on CS to avoid hurt feelings. Thank them and ask how you could improve. Your primary aim in obtaining candid performance feedback is to uncover your career hindrances and hidden strengths for future roles here or elsewhereDescription text goes here

Q: I am a project manager in Finance who has to put out a lot of fires on a daily basis. Of the many managers who use my services, there are two in particular who call me when they are in the middle of meetings with senior management asking for “fire drill” reports and numbers that I have already provided to them but they misplaced them or get flustered and ask again.  I have always sent them this data immediately without complaint.  The problem is that after these ‘emergencies’ I never get a simple acknowledgement or thank you.  On several occasions, I followed up asking them how the meeting went and they say “great!” but no mention of my efforts.  Should I say something to them about their lack of gratitude?  Or be less available to them in the future?

A: First, don’t model your own behavior on these managers.  They may be able to pull off a sharp presentation with the C-Suite based on your last-minute efforts, but they do not contribute to the longevity of the organization with their values.  Their behavior causes ill-will by evoking a temptation that you expressed of not wanting to helping them again. Use their example as one of non-emulation by always following up with a thank you when someone helps you. 

Because you are in a functional support role, refusing to help will not advance your long-term goals.  But you can be clever about it so that you don’t keep spinning your wheels.  When preparing reports for these managers well in advance of their presentation meetings, save them for a second delivery right before their meeting so they will have it again on top of their inbox.  You could also pair the report with a summary of where to find crucial data so they can reference it without calling you as though they never received it. 

Finally, do something kind for yourself and leverage your efforts for these ungrateful managers to your advantage.  Take good notes of each and every time you have gone above and beyond and be sure to enter it into your organization’s mid-year review system, or at least let your manager know so it can count for something before your next salary review.n text goes here

Q: In the past two years, I helped two past co-workers get really good positions at different companies by making introductions and providing referrals.  Neither of them contacted me that they actually got the job – I only found out on LinkedIn some time after.  I am so angry that I no longer want to help people who ask me for referrals.  People seem to be so self-absorbed that they don’t even say thank you for really big favors.  Am I expecting too much from people? 

A: The Navigator receives a sizable amount of inquiries about the lack of gratitude exhibited by those in mid- to large size organizations – everything from those not reciprocating for being treated to coffee, to no acknowledgement of a mentor for helping them catapult their career trajectory.  Are things worse now than they have been in the past?  Those who say yes point to two main reasons: First, fewer organizations have in-tact teams spanning years in which trust and loyalty are built. People change roles with more frequency than in the past and are less connected to the organization and co-workers.  Second, in our digital world of social media and peer-to-peer networks, so many components of a job have been reduced to anonymous transactions.  A quick referral for your co-worker via email, as you may have done, may not feel to them like you did all that much heavy lifting.  What they fail to realize is that there is a genuine person behind these small acts of kindness that can make all the difference in their career. 

The Navigator urges you to reconsider your temptation to not help people in the future. Help others because you feel it is the right thing to do, not because you expect repayment in the future. The next person you help may be the one who will change the world for the better.  

Q: As an IT support tech in my company, I visit many senior manager offices to fix their equipment.  While in their offices, most managers make small talk with me while I am working on their problem. One particular senior manager always makes remarks about my appearance with such things like “those slacks are so slimming on you!” or “what have you changed in your diet to look so good today!”  I get so angry at her that I want to go to HR and complain, but she is the head of HR.  How can I get her to stop?

A: The Navigator would like to challenge the two assumptions in your question. First, reporting things to HR is not an effective strategy to improving your employee experience. The Navigator’s views on this are well known:  Human Resources are not your advocate.  They are an agency of the company.  Involving HR in most circumstances should only be considered after you have tried many different approaches at your disposal to remedy a situation.   Your second assumption is that leaders in an org chart are more appropriate in their people skills than those with lesser titles.  If any example is to be learned here, it is that you have been shown how not to treat other employees.  When you one day become a leader, you will treat people with respect and bring out the best in them. 

Next time the Head of HR says a patronizing remark to you (and no one else is around), calmly say “I know you are well-intentioned when you remark on my appearance, but I am not comfortable with it.  Maybe we could talk about other things as I get your laptop up to speed?”

Even if she responds defensively, she will hesitate to do it in the future.

Q: I’m responsible for implementing a new customer relationship management (CRM) system that impacts all of our business units.  Because the new system will be an adjustment for our sales people, and likely to cause some resistance, senior management told me to work closely with the HR business partners (HRBPs) of each business unit to ensure cooperation.  At our past planning meetings, all of the HRBPs expressed support for the system and provided their feedback at each stage of the project.  However, I overheard one of HRBPs disparage the program to the head of her business unit, obviously not realizing that I was in earshot.  She is clearly looking to sabotage the project, despite her positive participation at group meetings. Should I confront her? Why the two-faced behavior?

A: The design of many organizations places the HRBP at the center of representing the organizational needs of the business unit.  They have their finger on the pulse of hiring needs, compensation, performance, succession planning, and leadership development.  They can also smooth the way for major change management initiatives such as, in your case, a new customer relationship management system.  A system of this kind presents challenges to the business because there is an overhead to the kind of tracking that such a system demands.  It’s the HRBP that should know the level of resistance you are up against, as wells as how much support the business unit leader has shown.

But HRBPs are often in a bind in this situation.  Your CRM project may fizzle out and become a distant memory.  However, their relationship with their business unit is a constant.  They need to appear on their side and in their good graces.  The quality of their relationship with the business is the indicator of their long-term success, not how well they forced a solution authored by Finance or IT.   It is for this reason that you must do your due-diligence in an early risk assessment phase of change management to ferret out these conflicts of interest.  That is not done via a team meeting where everyone is agreeable because they want to appear to be a ‘team player’.  Private one-on-one meetings is a better vehicle to learn if an HRBP has reservations.  You may also learn if the HRBP feels competent at managing the change in their business unit.  If they don’t, they might disparage the project because it challenges their own skillset.

Q: I and another co-worker were given 3 months to complete a big project.  I had worked with her in the past and we always managed to divide up the work equally and efficiently between us.  This time is different.  After the first 4 weeks, she has contributed incomplete or incorrect parts of the project, as well as not being that responsive.  When I asked her for an explanation, she confided in me that she will give notice in a about a month because she has another position lined up, but that I should not tell anyone.  This puts me in a bind.  There is no way I can complete the project myself and my reputation is threatened.  If I ask my boss to get me a new project partner, I will have to tell her why and divulge information I was asked not to. 

A:  Your situation is somewhat better than a project partner who does not tell you that they plan on leaving, they just stop helping you without explanation, a fairly common situation.  Doing the right thing here is clear: Your obligation is to your organization who pays your salary to complete projects to run a business. Your co-worker has the same obligation that must be fulfilled through her very last day of employment at the company.  Say to her: “Karen, I wish you a lot of success at your new company next month, but I need your help because I will continue working here and want this project to succeed.  If you can’t turn around the deliverables I need in the next week or so, you will need to go to our boss and remove yourself from the project so our boss can find another partner for me.  If you can’t do that I will need to go to our boss to ask for ways to salvage the project.”

It is up to “Karen” to find a solution or you have every right to go to your boss and let them know the real story.

Q:  In my company, people managers like myself have the title of VP.  I have been a VP for 6 years, yet some of my peers in other divisions have been promoted to Senior Vice President (SVP), a title that comes with stock options, a huge boost to financial stability.  Even though the compensation of SVPs in the company is currently being adjusted, where the title may not automatically come with stock options, I feel that I have been loyal to the company for these many years and deserve the title.   My manager has been giving me good performance reviews and increasing responsibility, yet I don’t seem to be able get to the next level.  He has told me that promotions are ‘out of his hands’ and that himself does not know the criteria for promotions.  What can I do to get a promotion?

A:  All you need to do is push the “Promotion” button concealed under your desk.  If you chose not to do so, you have joined with so many others who complain about not being sufficiently recognized at work, yet do little to help themselves.

If a manager is unable to articulate the criteria for promotion, and / or cannot provide feedback as to your career hindrances, then they do not have the capacity to promote you.  The reasons for this may include 1) a lack of promotional slots 2) despite your hard work, the scope of your role has not increased and there is no business model to do so 3) your function is not valued because you can easily be replaced.

Instead of waiting to be discovered, simply push the “Promotion” button.  Take stock of your accomplishments, update your resume, and go on interviews.  Your next job will likely be an upgrade of title, salary, and LinkedIn stature.  To help this process, ask your current employer if you can get a title change promotion such as “Senior Analyst”, or “Head of Intergalactic Relations”, or “Regional Project Lead”.  Although they have not given you a traditional promotion in many years they may agree to the title change. Why? Many organizations are doing away with traditional titles to separate the expectation of compensation from the title. Instead of VP, they may use a prefix of “Lead”.  Instead of SVP, they may use “Head of”. This title will make you even more attractive to your next employer.

Q: I like eating at my desk, my boss insists that I use that time to network and get to know people from other departments.  I find it an intrusion given that I deal with people all day and this is my down time where I can re-energize.

A:  On the surface this sounds like a boundary violation where your boss does not respect your preferences of how and where to eat lunch. It would have been helpful to know the big picture here such as the responsibilities of your role and your ability to build relationships.  It could be that your boss wants you to reach out more to others to gain their cooperation in projects, or to advance the reputation of your department.  If that is the case, a conversation with your boss about the best way to go about this is warranted.  There may be less scrutiny by your boss about your lunch habits if you demonstrate collaboration in meetings and solicit input from employees in different departments when working on projects. These are just two examples.

It could also be that you and your boss have very different styles and your habits just annoy them. If you are a self-described introvert there are two notable books that can help you thrive in a world that is entirely too bombastic and noisy. Check out Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, and most recently, Hiding in the bathroom : an introvert's roadmap to getting out there : (when you'd rather stay home), by Morra Aarons-Mele. 

Q: My boss was not happy with the results of our latest employee engagement survey for our department.  Our department in particular scored low in such areas as trust and respect for the leadership.  I know this because my boss put me in charge of conducting focus groups within our department to find ways that we can improve the employee experience.  While his idea of the focus group sounds sincere, my boss has asked me to identify those who are dissatisfied and “not team players”, likely for some kind of retribution, something which is counter to the spirit of the anonymous nature of the engagement survey.   How do I decline his request to hand over names of focus group attendees who sound unhappy?

A: Dear Reader,

Given the atmosphere that your boss has created on your team, it is no surprise that the employee engagement scores are low for your department.  It must be very frustrating to observe that your boss is the cause of these low scores, and yet he is determined to erase the people whose quality of life is diminished by his own actions.  Sadly, such wiles within the corporate environment reflect a broader context that is unfolding on a national theme. 

To stand up to the kind of boss that you describe by refusing to participate in the focus group will likely lead to repercussions for you.  However, there is a middle ground here.   You have an opportunity to provide much-needed influence in your department.  You can maintain your integrity by coaching your boss without him knowing you are coaching him.  The next time he asks you to conduct a deceitful focus group, align his expectations of how the results will be reported back to him. Explain that the purpose of an engagement survey and the subsequent focus groups are to identify themes in the aggregate that can be improved upon, not individual gripes or “who said what”.  Individual employee complaints or other feedback should be addressed throughout the year in one-on-one meetings between employee and manager.  Suggest to your boss that he provide regular one-on-one discussions with team members to build trust and provide two-way feedback.  That’s the most effective way to drive up scores on the next survey – not by getting rid of the critical thinkers.   You may wish to suggest to Human Resources that before future surveys are launched, training be made available that prepares department heads for responsibly interpreting and handling survey results – an element often missing.  

Q: When my boss observes that a team member has met with me in my office, she will ask me later what the meeting was about.  Because I have been on the team for many years, employees like to confide in me with their work issues to get some advice. They rely on my discretion.  In summary, my boss is asking me to betray confidences.   If I outright refuse her requests, I may jeopardize my job.  How should I handle this?

A: Make sure you are not exacerbating her paranoia.  When team members complain to you about him, do you stoke their indignation?  Or do you encourage them to try various ways to improve their relationship with the her or to communicate with her directly?   If you are providing useful advice or unofficial coaching to others, your office does not sound like the ideal location given its fishbowl effect.  Offer to meet people out of the office for a cup of coffee and limit office meetings to business rather than banter.

Q: At our team meetings, it’s the loudest most talkative people who get heard.  But I have good ideas that are not getting out there.  How can I be heard?

A: The Navigator is encouraged that you did not ask how you can become louder and more talkative at meetings.  It is the world’s misfortune that people respond more to bluster than to judicious thought. The aim is to become effective at persuasion when communicating your ideas.

First, be sure that you have the basic communication skills squared away.  While your goal is not to compete with other loud voices, you want to be clear, confident, and fill your space when you speak.  Filling your space means that you feel entitled to talk; not yielding your spot to others who interrupt, and not speaking too quickly which may indicate to others that you are uncomfortable speaking. Meetings, like nature, abhors a vacuum. Someone else will gladly take your spot if you falter.

Second, find your communication strength or sweet spot.  Do you express ideas more effectively as images, or compelling data via charts and graphs?  If so, share those at your next meeting.  Do you tell a good story?  Highlight your ideas by using a colorful metaphor or simile.

There is no need to be loud or talkative to get your point across (see the movie RBG for inspiration). The successful, introspective individual learns to engage their world on the creative plane, not the competitive one. 

Q: My boss assigned me an executive coach to help me transition from managing a small domestic team to leading a regional team with greater responsibilities.  In the past few months I have received very valuable coaching to help me identify my strengths and weaknesses as I adjust to my new position.  I was completely unprepared, however, for the results of a casual Google search that I did on my coach that revealed that he is a lay leader of a fundamentalist religious congregation.  On the website of this organization it states many views that I find objectionable, not the least of which advocates a strict assignment of roles within society; a woman’s place is in the home raising a family, marriage is between one woman and one man, and salvation can only be achieved through a specific deity and belief system.  My question is this:  How can this coach be my advocate if I do not live up to the standards of a religious group that he leads that renders me a sinner?

A: For coaching to be effective, it is vital that both parties respect each other. That is why in a professional envirnment, we don’t share political or relgious views, keeping our focus on business outcomes, not opinions of whose soul is saved or not. Find a coach who is not publicly strident about his relgious views.

Regardless of what it is called, your focus should be on the results this coach has delivered in the past. Who and how have they helped and to what extent? That is the most effective coach.

Q: I have a junior role in a mid-sized financial services firm.  Our CEO gives quarterly town hall meetings that are broadcast throughout our global offices. At one meeting the CEO expressed a desire to allow for greater work/life balance given the huge workload we all face, because, to quote him, “the last time I checked, slavery was illegal”. Given the good intentions of the CEO, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, however I feel that expressions like that desensitizes people to the heinous institution of slavery. Is it appropriate for me to complain directly to the CEO given that I am in a junior role and have no other contact with him?

A:Your thoughts should definitely be conveyed to the CEO, regardless of his good intentions. We would hope that a CEO rises to their position based on a hyper-focus of critical business metrics and trends. In addition, they have a responsibility to serve their diverse stakeholders which include employees, customers, and shareholders and adopt a lexicon that that respects that diversity. Senior managers who remain in a bubble of their own socio-economic demographics are less likely to achieve this sensitivity without people speaking up.

The challenge here is how your message gets conveyed to him.  You did not share the kind of culture of your organization.  Does your CEO have an open-door policy where everyone is encouraged to approach him with their feedback?  If your organization is more formal, there could be consequences to going above your manager, known as a ‘skip-level’ communication. In that case, you should ask the HR person who supports your division to covey your feelings to the CEO, and check back with them at a later date to find out the CEO’s response.   Even if your feedback is met with some defensiveness up the chain, you will have sent up a flare that will serve to enhance future town hall meetings.   

Q: I am a baby-boomer who has managed teams of employees for the past 20 years. My current team is large and diverse, comprised of a confluence of demographics.  I’ve witnessed a good bit of change in employee expectations over time.  In the past, employee requests have traditionally sounded like: “I’d like to work more autonomously”, or “I’d like to have more flexible hours.”   A new trend has emerged with my current team in that some individuals express their needs on behalf of an entire demographic in which they identify.  One young man started our meeting with, “As millennials, we like to be included in senior meetings.”  Another time, a young woman began with, “Because females have been underrepresented, I’d like to discuss my career trajectory.”   These employees sound as though they have been elected as the voice of their generation. This makes me feel that I need to solve for all the past injustices for an entire group, rather than addressing their personal performance and workplace needs.  Am I alone with this observation?

A: Your scenario highlights a common challenge that many organizations face. Managers are not prepared to manage diverse demographics.  A lot is expected of even the most experienced manager to be effective.  Employee expectations run high, especially when underrepresented populations are now making their voices heard.

Despite your employees’ presumption of using the “royal we” when voicing their preferences, consider the benefits.  While you are not expected to solve for all the injustices of inequality of the past, you should use your influence to level the playing field in your organization so all have the same chance to advance.  Having said that, it is the rare employee who is the genuine “voice of their generation”.  Sweeping generalizations of any demographic obscure a more realistic and nuanced reality; people are individuals with many non-conforming values and needs.  Encourage your employees to express their own personal needs in how they want to me managed, not as a spokesperson for others.         

If your company is like most, yearly bonuses are based on the past year’s company performance, and your own.   Although the idea behind the bonus is to incent you to stay with the organization, it is based on what you have already done.  You’ve earned it.  However, that is a hard argument to make if you announce you are leaving before the checks are cut.  Prematurely indicating to your boss that you intend leaving the company could not only jeopardize your bonus but your immediate status – as in being asked to leave today.   You will want to carefully strategize your departure announcement by following any contractual obligations you may have and acting with customary good faith.  The more mission critical your position is, the more time you should prepare your employer.   If you are going to another employer, you should try to negotiate your start date well after bonus time in your current company – a situation quite common.

The Navigator’s position on this is well known.  You must fulfill your obligations to your employer through the last day of your employment.  That means that you may not slow down before the finish line, and you must continue to strategize for, and advise your clients as though you will be with your current company for the next 100 years.  You must continue to create project plans and milestone deadlines in your current project.  The timing of your departure announcement should provide a reasonable amount of time for your employer to make other arrangements.  As indispensable as you may think you are, there are expert specialty consulting companies that for a price, will send someone to fill your void faster than you can surrender your security card.  Your company, unbeknownst to you, likely has a contingency plan in the event that you are hit by a bus.