I wrote a memoir. When I was 15, I fled my homophobic New Jersey hometown, seeking refuge in the ultra-Orthodox Hasidic community of Brooklyn. I believed that a beard, black hat, and long side curls could change my sexual orientation—that I could reinvent myself through divine intervention. As part of the bal teshuva phenomenon of the 1970s, I was one of thousands of young, secular Jews who abandoned suburban comforts and secular ambitions for an all-consuming, ultra-Orthodox way of life. But the promise of spiritual enlightenment could not silence my inner turmoil. For decades, I lived a perilous double life, torn between the tensions of faith, desire, and the quest for belonging.

An essay summarizing my journey was published in Tablet Magazine (June 2020), and I was a finalist in the 2024 Writers League of Texas Manuscript Contest.